Monthly Archives: July 2010

Summoning The Law of Attraction

Inspired by some material I’ve come across lately on the power of positive thinking, I’m going to give it a try.

Nothing but positive thoughts. Head up high. Smile.

It’s okay that I have yet to pay off my credit card. I will take care of it next month.

I like my hairy stomach. It makes me special. Unique.

It’s all good.

When did I become such a girl?

I play soccer with my co-workers, as part of the city’s recreational league. It gives me a chance to hang out with them outside of cubicle life and of course it’s a great way to stay in shape.

I used to play in high school as a midfielder, trying to bend it like Beckham. I was pretty good… wasn’t afraid to attack the ball… wasn’t afraid to step on or jump over the opposing team to drive the ball down the pitch. I loved the adrenaline and stretching my hams after each match. I loved counting the bruises I collected with each match I played.

I’m not like that now. I wait on the opposing player to make a move. I’m too quick to say “Oops, sorry!” if I bump into someone  – which does come with being Canadian, but this is the girly-type of apology for daring to take up space or have any sort of presence. What’s really missing is that belief, that gumption, that I can play along side the boys and hold my own.

How do I get that back? I miss me.

How do you tell someone that you’ve never had a boyfriend?

Honestly? Perhaps when you’re in your teens or early twenties, fine. But I’m 28 now. People start conversations with me, or ask for my advice on a relationship matter, assuming that I’ve been in a relationship before. I’ll tell them that “I’m probably the worst person to be asking advice from”… and they’ll laugh, thinking I’m joking.

My closest friends know of course.

The worst was being on a date, and the guy – after sharing with me a brief resume of his dating experience – asking to share my dating experience, to which I had nothing to tell him. The look on his face when I said “I’ve never had a boyfriend” was… well, he was stunned. He wasn’t expecting that answer. And I didn’t really have much of an explanation to give him as to why I haven’t had one. I just haven’t.

This kind of response to your date probably raises a red flag inside their head. I’d assume it’s much like when a man in his 40s indicates to you that he has no intention of ‘settling down’.

I’m honestly not sure how people have relationships. It’s a mystery to me. Men do express interest in me, but I’m rarely ever interested in them. I’ve dated a few guys, but nothing beyond a 5th or 6th date. I dunno. I have to assume it’s something about me, but I have no idea what it is.

This morning my roommate was asking me advice about this guy she’s been dating, and if she should go on a trip with him to Las Vegas or not. “How the fuck should I know?” I wanted to ask her, but she doesn’t know that I don’t date very often and that I’ve never had a boyfriend. The idea of going on a trip with a man is so incredibly foreign to me. I told her she should go.  You only live once, and to over analyze this is unnecessary.

I hope I’m not fucking her over.

Greek meaning ‘honeybee’

Among other things, my keychain also says that my name means that I am “greatly desired”. This is true.

However, it failed to mention “forever single”. Or “no boyfriend to speak of”.

It is otherwise very accurate.