I did a considerable amount of blog surfing today and came across this interesting post ( http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/the-pitfalls-of-being-a-selector/ ). I couldn’t help but think about what I am looking for in a partner, and the fact that most of the things in the “husband store” were things I wouldn’t care for.
If I ventured into a Man Store*, what would be the first three shopping levels I’d want to see?
Main floor: Non-sexist. I long for a guy who doesn’t “gender” me. I’m still a tomboy at heart, and therefore resent being treated “like a girl”. I want a guy who treats me as an equal and doesn’t place much stake in the concept of gender or sex. I want a guy who doesn’t believe in the word “slut”. I want a guy who doesn’t think doing the dishes is emasculating. Don’t expect me to do things or want things just because I’m a woman. I’d say I want a guy who labels himself as pro-feminist, but I’m trying to keep it realistic here.
2nd floor: Attractive. I was actually going to list this first, but then I thought there may be occasions where the more you get to know someone the more attractive they become, so I moved it into second place. I also thought it’d nice to have men in my life who just thought about gender similarly but to whom I’m not necessarily attracted to. While I do have a “type”, I’ve definitely found different types of men attractive. I’d admittedly have a hard time being attracted to a guy considerably shorter than me… or doesn’t have hair on his chest… or with a large gut. We all have some no-no’s on our list though, right? Can I slip non-smoker in here? The sight of a guy puffing up is not attractive either.
3rd floor: Strong work ethic. I think it’s fair to say that most people (man or woman) are looking for someone with a paying job. Even if he doesn’t have a job, then he should be proactively looking for one or be in school in the hopes of getting one in the near future. I’m the kind of person who would still work if I won a million dollars, so I can’t be with someone with no work bone. Not going to happen. And when not at his paying job, then he is also assisting with other work, namely household chores. I guess I’m basically looking for someone who is not lazy.
Things I want or prefer in a guy but don’t necessarily need. The kind of items you may find on a sale rack and think to yourself “Bonus!”:
Loves sports. I guess he doesn’t have to, but this limits my range of conversation considerably.
Can cook. I figured since I don’t cook all that well, it’d be good to have a partner that does. I’d clean, he’d cook. But I guess we can reserve a considerably amount of our budget on eating out.
Has a car. Sort of like the cooking thing. I don’t have one, so it’d be nice if he had one, but not a must.
Is physically active/healthy. He doesn’t have to have a gym membership or be a marathon runner, but it’d be nice to be with someone who would prefer to walk rather than drive to the convenience store. I guess the non-smoker thing fits here too, but that’s more a need than a want.
Doesn’t like anal sex. You may laugh, but I’m serious. I’m not into anal sex, and not to be a Debbie Downer, but I have been raped. Any guy I’ve been with who was into anal sex had a hard time accepting the fact that I’m not into it, and had a tendency to want to pressure me into the act. One guy heard “no” from me one too many times apparently. So while I know not all guys who like anal sex are like this, I’ve found it is a pretty good indication to me that I should steer clear of them. Having said that, I don’t want to list this as a must because I may miss the opportunity in finding a guy who proves me wrong. I don’t know. This one is difficult to negotiate with myself.
There are other things that could be considered as staples in any wardrobe. I guess you would find these in the “essential basics” section of the store:
- Good hygiene
- Likes music
- Is not the devil reincarnate
- Has a sense of humour
- Likes sex
- Likes food
- Excuses himself when burping or farting
I think… that’s it. I think that is fair! I am so not asking for much here. The problem is in finding the store! Where is this store located and how the hell do I get there? And pronto!
* I use Man Store in place of Husband Store (as was it was referred to in the post that inspired me) because I don’t believe in marriage. Oh – should I add that to the list?